The fantasies are getting more vivid. The desires to spend days or even weeks together with someone special. Two naked bodies embracing, clinging, not letting go. United in flesh and spirit.
I know, who am I kidding. This is all just fantasy. I gave up on the dream a long time ago. There are times though, when the desires become overpowering. No, I'm not looking for a lover or soul-mate. I don't believe I have one of those. But in the world of fantasy, I can have anything. Even a hot naked stud laying next to me.
But then reality hits. Do I admit the truth? That is has been almost a year? Do I tell the world, the person I pretend to be online is all fake. That the sexual banter is all make believe? That I would probably never act upon it?
Maybe I'm suffering from the same winter depression that others are experiencing. Or maybe it's just the fact I'm horny. Waking up every morning with a raging hardon, humping the pillow. Dreaming it is actually flesh and blood instead of a sack of foam.
Then the fantasies take over again. The fantasy me is so much different. Full of self-confidence, attractive, witty, overflowing with personality. I wish I could step into the fantasies and live there. Forgetting about the real world and responsibilities, pain and frustration.
Something always brings me back.
Hhhhmmmm, just looked outside. The sun is shining brightly. I think why should I feel depressed. Why should I feel alone?