It is so irritating, to go back and read something I've written and notice all of the missing words. Or the meaning isn't what I originally envisioned.
And then, all the times when I attempt to say something, and will get stuck on a word. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get it out of my mouth. So I end up stammering and sounding like a complete idiot.
I've often wondered if I didn't suffer from some form of dyslexia, since there are many times when I'm writing, numbers or letters will end up switching places. Even when I type, there are times when the order the letters are typed in, get reversed. But when I read it, I see they're reversed. So I don't know. Maybe it's not dyslexia, just whatever.
It is frustrating though. So what brought this on. I guess it was mostly a self evaluation. I was reading through various journals today. And made a few comments. When I looked later, other people had also made comments, to which to original writer had responded. However, mine were not responded to. Then I read the comments and noticed they were a bit off.
I don't know. The more I sit here at look at this entry, the more it sounds like self pity. I'm crying because no one ever comments on my journal. I guess maybe there is a bit of that. The feelings of not being the popular kid. Of course, I've NEVER been the popular kid and was always jealous of those that were. Normally, I don't say anything about these feelings. I just keep them inside, because I don't want to sound whiny.
Actually, I need to stop this train of thought. It always leads down that same depression spiral, where I wish I'd never been born. That one where I think god made a mistake, or worse, played a cruel joke and miscarried the wrong fetus.