Michael (spudpuppy) wrote,
Michael
spudpuppy

There are times when I get really annoyed with myself. For the second time, today, and probably the 50th time in the last month, I've been halfway through typing a comment in a friend's journal, only to hit close before sending it. As I'm sitting there writing, the feelings overwhelm me and I just can't send it. (It sounds to crass or catty or mean? All the self doubts crop up as I over analyze my comments.)

I get so envious of people who can just comment, or talk, to anyone, about anything, at any time. Those overly extroverted souls, that I always wanted to be like, but could achieve.

And most of the comments I delete, probably aren't that bad. If someone else posted them, I probably wouldn't think anything about it. Just when I start to write them, the "Will I offend the reader?" meter goes into hyper mode.

To an extent, I filter my comments here as well. No, I don't write all the sick, weird shit that goes through my head. I would have been locked in a mental institution years ago, if people knew what really went on inside my brain. The exterior is just a mask covering the grotesqueness beneath.

Ok, so the dark depths have surfaced again. The evil beings within my head have peered out to see what damage they can do. I must fight to regain the control. Return them to their cages........
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